Patrick Clancy sat down with CBS' Ross Douthat for his first interview since his ex-wife Lindsay's mistrial and told the country something few expected: he has forgiven her for killing their three children, even though she never asked him to. Lindsay Clancy, a former labor and delivery nurse from Duxbury, Massachusetts, strangled Cora (5), Dawson (3), and Callan (8 months) in January 2023 before attempting suicide, an act that left her paralyzed.
Her trial did not dispute that she killed the children. The defense argued she was suffering from postpartum psychosis, and the five-week case centered on whether she should be found not guilty by reason of insanity. Patrick had already forgiven her publicly before the trial began, saying he knew she loved their children and had been overtaken by severe mental illness.
When asked directly on "60 Minutes" whether Lindsay had ever asked for his forgiveness, Patrick said, "No. But I gave it to her." He also described how he has processed the outcome: "I think I did the best I could with what I had at the time, and I live with the outcome. I live with it every day." And he pushed back on the wave of online judgment surrounding his family, saying it "is deeply harmful to the legacy of my children" and "done real harm to real people, myself included, but also others."
What I'd tell a client about this
I coach people to turn hard news into one useful lesson, and this story gives us a clear one: forgiveness is not about the other person deserving it. It is about what you do with your own heart and mind afterward.
Patrick Clancy forgave without being asked. That is the part that stops people cold, because most of us treat forgiveness like a transaction. Someone apologizes, we accept, the ledger balances. But that is not how forgiveness actually works in most faith traditions or in practical healing. Forgiveness is described as a deliberate act, one where a person gives up the right to revenge and instead wishes good for the one who caused harm. It is not about excusing what happened. It is about refusing to let bitterness run your life.
Social media does not make this easy. Outrage gets clicks. Nuance does not. When a story like this surfaces, platforms reward the loudest condemnation and punish anyone who tries to sit with complexity. That dynamic explains why Patrick Clancy's forgiveness is being met online with shock and anger instead of reflection. But the pull toward outrage is exactly why the lesson matters. If you wait for the online mob to model healthy responses to pain, you will wait forever.
Whatever you think of Patrick or Lindsay Clancy personally, the deeper point stands on its own. Holding onto anger toward someone who wronged you, whether the wrong is small or catastrophic, keeps you tethered to that moment. Letting go, even without an apology, is what allows you to move forward.
One small action this week
Think of one person you are still holding something against, big or small, recent or old. You do not need to tell them you forgive them. You do not need to excuse what they did. Just take five minutes this week to consciously decide to release your claim to resentment toward that one person. Notice how it feels to set that weight down, even briefly.
I work with clients every week helping them turn stories exactly like this into one clear, applicable lesson for their own lives. If you want help thinking through where forgiveness or letting go might be holding you back, that is the kind of work I do.
As the 19th-century French friar Enrique Domingo Lacordaire put it, and it applies whether you sympathize with Patrick Clancy, with those defending Lindsay, or with neither: "Do you want to be happy for a moment? Take revenge. Do you want to be happy always? Forgive."
Earlier in this series: SBI Manager's Death Sparks Outcry Over Bank Work Pressure
