Former tennis star Jelena Dokic has opened up about why she cannot forgive her father, Damir Dokic, for the abuse she says she suffered at his hands during her career. The Courier Mail reports that Dokic has shared the real reason behind her refusal to forgive, pushing back on the idea that healing requires letting go of anger toward the person who hurt you.
What I'd tell a client about this
If you've ever felt pressured to "just forgive and move on" after someone has hurt you, you know how heavy that pressure can feel. Dokic's comments cut through a lot of noise around forgiveness, and they point to something I see constantly in my work with clients: forgiveness is not a requirement for healing.
So many people carry a quiet guilt because they haven't forgiven a parent, an ex-partner, a former boss or a friend who betrayed them. They've absorbed the idea, often from well-meaning people around them, that holding onto hurt means they're the one with the problem. But here's the truth I'd want any client sitting across from me to hear: you do not owe forgiveness to anyone, including family. Healing and forgiveness are two separate processes, and you can do the first without ever doing the second.
What actually matters for your wellbeing is not whether you forgive the person who harmed you. It's whether you've processed what happened, set boundaries that protect you now, and built a life where that person no longer has power over your emotional state. Dokic's story, as reported, is a public example of someone choosing to be honest about ongoing pain rather than performing a resolution she hasn't reached. That honesty is itself a form of strength, and it's one I try to help clients find permission for.
I work with clients often enough to know that the stories we tell ourselves about what we "should" feel can do as much damage as the original hurt. When someone believes they're failing at healing because they haven't forgiven, they often spiral into more shame, more self-blame, and more distance from the support that could actually help them. Letting go of the forgiveness requirement doesn't mean staying stuck in anger forever. It means you get to define your own timeline, your own terms, and your own definition of peace.
One small action to take this week
This week, write down one relationship or event in your life where you've felt pressure to forgive before you were ready. Don't try to solve it. Just name it on paper. Then write one sentence about what you actually need right now instead of forgiveness, whether that's distance, honesty, support, or simply permission to still feel angry. That single sentence can become the starting point for real healing, separate from any expectation about forgiving.
If you're a parent, a former athlete, or someone who grew up under intense pressure from a family member, this story might hit close to home in ways that are hard to untangle alone. That's exactly the kind of situation I help clients work through, not by pushing them toward forgiveness, but by helping them figure out what healing actually looks like for their specific story.
Dokic's willingness to speak publicly about something so personal is a reminder that pain doesn't need to be neatly resolved to be worth talking about. You don't have to wrap your story in a bow for it to matter, and you don't have to forgive someone to stop letting them control your life. Take the pressure off yourself this week. Healing on your own terms is still healing.
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